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| To Nadia, When I read some quotes about kindness, I thought about you and the kindnesses that you may or may not know that you have extended to me over the years. What they were does not matter, the fact that you touched my life with your kindness is what matters most to me. They have touched my heart and left a beautiful sweet light that lives on. Thank You for being a part of me, my life, and who I am becoming. Kindness is the way we cherish others and the way to living a happy life. Blessings to you always. With Love to YOU, Dina |
| Changing the Face of Death "Because I Care" The ANGEL-STAFF Angel-staff is actually a group of trained volunteers who bring a caring presence to the bedside of the terminally ill, and give comfort and support to their families and friends We dissolve the fear of dying, replacing it with beautiful peace and serenity. We Go Wherever we are needed and our services are free of charge Angel-staff was founded by Nadia McCaffrey who has worked as a midwife to the dying for over 17 years. Having had three NDE's of her own, she brings forth her own experiential understanding of the dying process to provide compassionate and empathic support for her clients and their families. A native of France, Nadia brings a passion for life and a natural lightness of being to her work with the dyings. Nadia also oversees her own organization called Angel-Staff, in which she provides the latest informations in regards to Conscious Living and Dying. A nonprofit charitable organization. |
| In Memory of my Darling Son Sacramento Mom Sacramento Mom You dared to break the silence, You dared to show the coffin of your son Killed in Iraq, for all to see, You dared to say the war was wrong, Words from your dead son's lips. Sacramento Mom, We need a chorus of Moms like you, We need a million Moms Marching in the streets, Crying, "Wake up! Wake up! Our young are dying, Their hearts, their souls, Their bodies scarred and maimed, Consumed in the deadly game of war." Sacramento Mom, you give us hope. You refused to bury your son quietly. You and all the other Moms and Dads Who dare to speak out from their hearts Can help us put an end to war. Ruth Shapin This poem was inspired by an article in the Los Angeles Times (6/29/04) about Nadia McCaffrey, the mother of national guardsman Patrick McCaffrey, who was killed in Iraq. The poem was sent to the Sacramento Bee on July 2, 2004. |
| Life Reflections of a Gold Star Mom on Mother's Day 2006 By Nadia McCaffrey Did I actually give birth 36 years ago? My mind is wondering over sixty one years of my life, what does “Mother's Day” signify anymore?? , I am trying desperately to rescue the vague meaning left of two words.. Or is it that the meaning is so strongly anchored within me, that, I am not sure how to deal with the disappearance of the dearest person in my life. I better get use to not getting a sweet card and flower, and phone calls ever again saying: Happy “Mother’s Day” MOM, I love you, your son, Patrick. For so many years, I took all messages of love for granted, what a fool I was! `Why do I wish today, that I had kept and saved it all? I never doubted that Patrick was my guardian and would watch over me until I died, as I watched over him while he was a baby, a child. What am I supposed to do next without him, without his wisdom, his compassion without his love, without his gentle strength, without his voice saying “I love you Mom you have always been here for me as I will be there for you..." Patrick’s birthday is almost there: May 26. For the past two years, I have been hiding to myself, the fact that Patrick was NEVER coming home. I did not say that I had accepted it, nor realized it. Patrick would have been 36 years old this year. I fully realize that this huge pain will never go anywhere, or fade away in the back round of my consciousness, NO, this pain will be with me until my last day on earth. Perhaps I will learn how to function with it, or perhaps not… What I am experiencing right now is uncertainty. For the first time in three years, or the beginning of the war, and since Patrick’s murder in Iraq, I have doubts. My faith, up until a month ago, was so strong and powerful, that I believed that anything could be accomplished or changed. I thought that by now, the Americans people would have awakened and stopped the corruption, the lies, the betrayal, the destruction and the killing of our country and its citizens, boy was I wrong!! How long is it going to take? Speaking across country non- stop for two years, I know that I have touched many people’ s soul; many people have changed their life because of Patrick’s death… Patrick left on my shoulders, the burden to be part of the actions that will stop the war. He was very disillusioned with the whole picture. He felt betrayed as a Patriot, Patrick was not a fool, He knew the truth. However, he followed his heart after the blast of September eleven, and enlisted joining the National Guards (not the International Guards!), he wanted to help out his country and its people, and he wanted to serve within the country, not over seas; illegally invading a country that had nothing to do with 9/11. How much more time is it going to take to glance at a peaceful world? I fear for my grand children’s future. However, after these blue notes, I shall pursue my Journey to Peace with as much compassion, unconditional love, tolerance and caring for each other as I can, and this is the road that I have chosen, I do the best that I can to fulfill every day and keep on my faith. Nadia McCaffrey, Gold Star Mother |
| A YEAR... A year already, June 22 my Darling son and my only Child was murdered, in an ambush, in the far away land of Iraq. Patrick give out his last breath, his precious blood soaked the gray powder soil. Because of his sacrifice, and the sacrifice of all our sons, beautiful Peace and Light must overcome the evil darkness of our corrupted government. Patrick was a Peace Keeper to the end. We, are dearly missing his powerful presence, his gentle love and compassion, his caring attention to both his children, Janessa 3, and Patrick Junior 10. They try to make some sense out of the cruel reality, some days, his Spirit's presence is strongly overwhelming, we can catch the sent of flowers, lights will go on without anyone touching the switch. A picture frame will collapse by itself, in front of our eyes. Patrick is very much watching over us, but, what would I give to hear him say gently: I love you Mom... Silvia, Patrick's wife [and my adopted daughter], smile bravely at us, we hug each other through our tears, we dearly love one another, and we will face tomorrow with hope [if we have a tomorrow to live in!] On June 22 we will take a look at our lives, what have accomplished in a year? Are we OK? Life must go On. Members of the 579 will meet at the house that day and the soldiers will talk about surviving Patrick's death, and how their return from Iraq with 3 deaths in the Unite, how profound of an impact that is, how different are they all today? |
Nadia at Jerrie's bedside.(Human Service Alliance, Winston Salem. NC) "On November 8 1999, our dear Aunt Jerrie left her crumbled, shriver cancer-ridden body to go live with God in a new world of freedom. From May until November 8, she has been cared for by the angel-volunteers at Human Service Alliance in Winston Salem, North Carolina. Even though she was very ill, she met and loved some of God's richest children, and share them with her family." The Kersey Family. |
| I love you Gertrude... I was more than a little nervous as I drove over to Palo Alto that first day. I followed the directions I had been given and found Lytton Gardens quite easily. As I eased my big truck into one of the small parking spaces in the parking garage under the building, I found my mind wandering back to that telephone call from Nadia. She had prefaced her request by starting, "I know you didn't want to do this before, and if you're not ready you can say no, but I was wondering if you would be able to spend some time with a very sweet lady?" Now, how was I going to say no to that? First, she said a very sweet lady needed me (I love to be needed), and it was, after all, Nadia asking. I don't like to say no to Nadia. So, here I was -- beginning a new adventure. I wondered what this "very sweet lady" would be like, and if I would be able to give her what she needed. I had never done anything like this before, and I was scared. What if I wasn't any good at this? What if she didn't like me? Oh, yes, I was very nervous as I rode the elevator up to the 2nd floor. When the doors opened, Nadia was right there and gave me a big hug and a smile. I felt better all ready. "Gertrude is with a counselor right now," Nadia informed me with her wonderful French accent. "They are writing goodbye letters to her family and friends and taking care of things like that. We'll wait here until they are done." We chatted a little bit until the counselor came out and told us she was finished. "Gertrude is pretty upset about all this, but it needed to be done." She seemed nice enough, but Nadia was not happy that the woman had upset Gertrude. (I think Nadia becomes very protective of those she cares about - and Gertrude was no exception.) The counselor left and Nadia said, "Well, let's go in.” From left to right: Cynthia , Gertrude and Dennis. Picture taking at 'Lytton Garden' nursing home. Nadia walked in ahead of me and spoke softly to the woman lying in the bed. As I came into the room I finally saw Gertrude. She was a tiny little lady with a soft cloud of beautiful white hair that fell almost to her shoulders. When Nadia introduced us, she smiled a beautiful smile that took over her entire face. Her blue eyes twinkled with warmth and intelligence. I knew immediately -- I was hooked! Nadia soon left us alone and we spent a couple of hours getting to know each other. To make myself feel useful, I latched on to the only task readily available to be done - I kept her "spit dishes" clean. Because Gertrude had advanced stomach cancer, she was unable to keep anything down and was frequently vomiting. So, as soon as she was finished, I would grab her used dish, hand her a fresh one and go clean the used one. This made me feel useful, and Gertrude seemed to appreciate the effort. I found I enjoyed talking with this 'very sweet lady' (apt description!) and learning a little bit about her. She would doze off from time to time, and I would sit quietly, watch her and send her love On my way home that first day, I was energized by my new adventure. I felt great! As I drove down the road I would see Gertrude's face in my mind's eye and smile. I had fallen in love with this little lady. When Nadia called that evening to see how it went, I told her I would be with her the next afternoon, and then I would switch to mornings since that was the hardest time for Nadia to find volunteers for. I began coming in at 10:00 am, and then Gertrude asked if I could come earlier to help her change her clothes. I told her I would try to get there by 9:30 or so if I could get my 5 year old son up and off to school in time for me to do that. Most mornings I was able to get there around 9:30. Gertrude was obsessed with food. She was hungry all the time but unable to keep anything down. She spent hours talking about all the different foods she loved. That first week she would spend most of her morning waiting for lunchtime. At about 11:30 I would get her "going out" pants on, help her into her wheelchair, brush her hair and then take her down to the lunchroom. Oh, how she loved going to the lunchroom and discovering what was being served for lunch that day. She especially loved the tuna and noodles dish served one day. She really couldn't eat much, but she ate what she could. Some foods she would only be able to chew and then spit out, but she enjoyed that, too. When something was tasty to her, she would close her eyes and say, "Oh, it is so good!" Some mornings Gertrude would tell me what was served for dinner the night before. One night she had eaten something that she said tasted especially good, but had then vomited it all up. I asked her if it was worth it. She replied with a big smile on her face, "Oh, yes!" Another volunteer, Don, had found a wonderful Thai soup that Gertrude was able to keep down. Oh, she LOVED that soup! Don had gotten a large container of it from a local restaurant and put the container in the lunchroom refrigerator. Gertrude had me heat up small cups of it for her, and she was actually able to keep most of it down. Don was her hero! He was my hero, too, because he had found something that could satisfy her unending hunger. Thank you, Don. One afternoon as I was sitting next to Gertrude's bed, she suddenly said, "I am looking at your breasts because I am intrigued by them. I have never had very big breasts, and I am wondering if your boys ate a lot when they were babies." I told her, "Oh, yes, I breasted them and they ate about every hour when they were real little." "Oh, my God!" she said. I just chuckled. I'm what you'd call a full-figured gal, and we had discussed my size and my life-long struggles with it on a couple of different occasions, so I was not offended or shocked by Gertrude's comments. She had told me more than once that as long as I am healthy, I should be happy with whatever size I am. I think that's good advice. I spent about 3 weeks with Gertrude. It was hard to watch her become weaker and weaker. It was also hard to watch her daughter, as grief for her mother became more intense each day. Gertrude had such dignity, and compassion, and a wonderful wit. We laughed a lot during our time together, and she taught me much about strength. I'm not sure who benefited the most from our relationship - but I think perhaps I did. In three short weeks Gertrude touched my life deeply and will be a part of me always. I love you, Gertrude. Thank you for the wonderful lessons you taught me about life and about myself. I look forward to meeting with you again on the other side. Namaste. With love, Connie |
| May 2002. About Nadia...I have known Nadia for little over 10 years. I can personally attest to her character and integrity. Nadia demonstrates many of those qualities we all strive for: dedication, commitment, caring, compassion, and love. She has acted on these in numerous ways, including voluntarism such as cooking and serving meals to the homeless, providing home health care to the terminally ill persons, prayers networking, and staying in touch by phone, e-mail, and in-person visits to support not only her family and friends but almost anyone who comes into her life through her many and varied activities. Nadia is an apt facilitator, and she conducts workshops for people who are looking for meaningful and better ways to serve humanity. She is modest, honest, and has touched many people's hearts--including such luminaries as Dannion Brinkley and PMH Atwater, both of whom are experts on near-death experiences (NDE's). NADIA SEEMS TO BE LIVING PROOF OF THE ADAGE, " IF YOU CAN DREAM IT. IT IS POSSIBLE". © Adrienne Juliano. FMBR member of 15 years. www.fmbr.org |
| 9/11*Coping With this Tragedy Carla Wills-Brandon, Ph.D. September 15, 2001 Carla Wills-Brandon, M.A., Ph.D., is the author of six published books on addiction, self esteem, sexual trauma, and recovery. She has appeared on a number of television programs and lectured across America and the United Kingdom. Ms. Wills- Brandon continues to work in private practice with her husband of 23 years, Michael Brandon, Ph.D. The Brandons live with their two children, Aaron and Joshua, in a historical home on an island "just off the coast" of Texas. Carla’s Web Site Yesterday I had many patients who did not know anyone who was directly impacted by the tragedy which took place on September 11th. Most were very confused by their intense reactions and commented that their feelings seemed "selfish" "unusual" "extreme" "overwhelming" and even "unreasonable." Because of this, I thought it might be useful to put forth an explanation as to "why" this experience is so overwhelming for so many. 1. There are those of us who have been directly impacted. We have loved ones who were either killed, injured or involved in the tragedy. Fear for their well being, grief over loss, anger and in some cases, revengeful thoughts, rage, are all NORMAL responses. In these cases, we must seek out understanding supports who will allow us to feel the feelings for as long as we need to. 2. There are those who are feeling normal, human compassion for the country, survivors, those lost, the rescue workers. Sometimes there are strong emotions tied to a sense of violation. Our home has been invaded, our brother and sister Americans have been injured or killed, and we have strong emotions about this EVEN IF we didn't personally know any of the victims. These strong emotions are also NORMAL. 3. Many have recently lost loved ones and were in the process of grieving when the tragedy occurred. This tragedy WILL INTENSIFY your emotions. Your grief, anger, fear, hurt and loss will be compounded. Know this is to BE EXPECTED and that it too is NORMAL. Don't judge yourself or feel you have back slided in your grief work if you find yourself in this position. 4. There will be those who find they have extreme emotions, but will not understand where they are coming from. These emotions will go beyond normal grief, loss, violation and anger. This tragedy will "trigger" for those who have violations of physical, emotional or sexual abuse history in their past, those emotions related to those specific traumas. So, not only will these individuals be experiencing normal shock, loss, fear and anger which normally accompanies such a tragedy on such a massive scale, but on top of this, they will also be feeling feelings related to past violations. My office was full of people who were experiencing a "double barrel" of such emotion, just yesterday. If you find yourself in this category, it is ESSENTIAL that you seek out support from people who will validate your emotions and assist you in separating out which feelings are about the here and now and which emotions are tied to the past. Finally, I must share I have received NUMEROUS emails from well intended celebrities, authors, spiritual leaders who are talking in terms of "forgiveness." Though their intentions are well meaning, I must state that forgiveness right now, at such a tender moment, is not healthy, nor is it a reality. Anger is necessary for reclaiming a sense of power, for taking action, for unity purposes and for healing. Knowing how to express anger is what is important. I'm a Jew and I have a cousin who is a Muslim. Tolerance is essential in understanding how anger should be processed. Directing anger at the identified perpetrator, as opposed to certain minority groups is most necessary. Already there have been attacks on innocent Muslims and I have heard numerous comments about not only Israel, but other religious faiths. After a period of healthy, appropriate anger work, acceptance then becomes possible, but to shame those who are experiencing anger is not helping matters. Some people find it necessary to have anger toward their concept of G-d. This is apart of their healing process and it is not appropriate for any of us to tell such a person they are wrong. In my religious tradition it is acceptable to argue with G-d on a regular basis. This does not mean that we as a culture disrespect G-d. We just have a relationship with G-d which works for us, as it has for 1,000s of years. Those who need to have anger toward G-d, regarding this tragedy, must be allowed, without judgment, to do so. I must share that I have also been working with teens and children with regard to the horrific scenes seen on television. Children DO NOT have the emotional maturity to know how to process this information. Most adults are having a hard time with it. Young children often think the plane they see crashing into a building, is actually, at that moment, crashing into a building. Teens, who are questioning the universe, recognizing life is full of complications can find themselves most frighten and confused if they watch these scenes on television and then don't have a solid, grounded adult to sort these things out with. When my cousin, other family friends and several other relatives were initially unaccounted for in New York and Washington D. C., my husband and I were most upset. It was important for us to take these concerns and the emotions related to them, to OTHER understanding, supportive adults, not to our children. Yes, we told our children we were worried, but we took our intense emotions elsewhere. Our children need to be reassured that we as adults are grounded enough to be there for them, to offer them structure. We limit T.V. Time at our house, turn off the radio and then if such T.V. Scenes do make their way to our children, or if they do hear things at school, we take quiet time to talk. I hope the above has been of some use. Blessings to those who mourn, feel compassion. Please keep in touch with each other in a supportive, nurturing manner. Many blessings, Carla |
| _ http://members.aol.com/rpeyser/ If ever there was an angel sent here by God to assist humankind, it is Nadia. Nadia is a pure vessel of unconditional love and light. Her concern for the wellbeing of others and her dedication to helping those who cross her path far surpasses the norm. Whatever the need, emotional, spiritual,or physical, Nadia makes herself available to be of great service. © Randy Peyser, author of "Crappy to Happy: Small Steps to Big Happiness NOW!" Pub. May 2002, Red Wheel/Weiser |
Every religion believe in eternity_another life. This life on earth is not the end. People who believe it is the end, fear death. If it was properly explained that death was nothing but going home to God, then there would be no fear of death. Mother Theresa (1910-1997) |
"Radiance focusing inward, silence, a sense of the sacred, wisdom, and in the end, a merging with spirit. Through this intense process, we come to experience at last the reality of our true self, which transcends our finite ego and bodily existence, and our merging with the source of being from which we originated. Dying is safe ." Kathleen Dowling Singh Ph.D. |
| Volunteer Training Exploration into Life and Death. "Beyond the 5 Stages of Dying" |
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MotherinBlack.org
| Service Mission 2000 Nadia specializes in one-on-one personal care for patients who are in their last months and weeks of life. For more than 17 years she has made volunteer visits to several facilities in the Bay Area. She is now running her own organization, Changing the Face of Death , a 'not for profit' organization dedicated to public Awareness, Consciousness and service towards the dying. The group, with Nadia's coaching, is experiencing unconditional Love. Nadia has dedicated her life to helping people. Nadia McCaffrey has engaged in public speaking for several years. She has presented talks on Near Death Experiences and on her service work with the dying at universities including UC Berkeley (2000) and John F Kennedy University (2002), Dominican University of San Rafael, the 2003 International IANDS Conference as well as to organizations like the Center for Living with Dying, churches, homeless shelters and at many other events. In addition, she has been featured on many television and radio talk show; in "Children of the New Millennium" a book of research on children's Near-Death Experiences by PMH Atwater; "We Live Forever" by PMH Atwater, published by A.R.E. (Edgar Cayce's Foundation) and in Vital Signs Magazine. Nadia also appeared on national Television in a new release by Automat Pictures: "Cheating Death, Beyond and Back" a scientific research documentary, rated the best documentary on the Dear-Death Experience. Another research documentary for a 2 hour US film to be released in 2004. The latest film documentary on the Near-Death Experience, made by a German film company was released in 2003 in English and German language, for European television viewing, the film is based on Dr PMH Atwater's research. The film is to reveal the truth and the impact from the near-death after effects into the experiencer's life and readjustment to live again. Nadia is actively planning to open a series of very new Concept Centers, because of information she received during her third NDE. The Centers will be completely self sustained based on Sacred Geometry design (see the Center and the new volunteers page) Nadia with a group of angels, Michael Murray, architect, and others, are creating centers near Clear Lake, California, and out of state as well. The Center will provide a standing hospice, respite care for challenged children, a spiritual retreat, with ongoing classes on living and dying along with other holistic and consciousness topics. We now need to create the first building. The land ( near Shasta) which as running water and electricity has been generously donated for the center and construction plans are currently in progress. The project will be modeled after the Human Service Alliance, the University for Human Goodness www.ufhg.org (See: our Mission Statement.) The Center will offer "home like care" (or palliative care) in a natural setting with no financial worries for the dying. Nadia's vision is for the dying to spend their last precious months or weeks of life in a place that is clean and bright, where caregivers are cheerful and competent. In a true service-to-others approach to hospice care, every care giver will be there because they have made the choice to be there. No fees will be charged for these services, which will be better than what money can buy. Volunteers and Contributors: If you are interested in adding value to this to all-volunteer effort, please contact nadiamccaffrey@gmail.com The project will be modeled after the Human Service Alliance, the University for Human Goodness www.ufhg.org (See: our Mission Statement.) The Center will offer "home like care" (or palliative care) in a natural setting with no financial worries for the dying. Nadia's vision is for the dying to spend their last precious months or weeks of life in a place that is clean and bright, where caregivers are cheerful and competent. In a true service-to-others approach to hospice care, every care giver will be there because they have made the choice to be there. No fees will be charged for these services, which will be better than what money can buy. Volunteers and Contributors: If you are interested in adding value to this to all-volunteer effort, please contact nadiamccaffrey@gmail.com |
CLASSES: One-day Volunteer Course. The responsibility of becoming a caregiver to a terminally ill friend or family member often catches people by surprise. Not only must they cope with their sense of loss; they must also rise above their own sadness to give comfort to others. The most difficult part of this task is learning how to do it. Once you know it is simpler than you think. However, unfortunately, many people must learn how to do this in the midst of a difficult time. The goal of this course is to teach family and friends how to give caring and effective bedside care to the terminally ill in a supportive and caring classroom environment. When you have completed this course, you will feel a confidence in your abilities to care for the terminally ill. Not only will you be able to comfort the dying, but those who love and care for them as well, and with a minimum of personal stress and anxiety. Caring For Others This 6 hour block of training is based on recommended methods of CTFOD (Changing the Face of Death). You will learn how to comfort and care for the terminally ill. The course includes practical techniques such as feeding, bathing, changing, transfer, etc. This block of instruction also includes practical advice on how caregivers can take care of themselves. Caring for Yourself Many times, those who give care neglect their own well being to the detriment of those for whom they care as well as themselves. This class will show you how to take care of yourself in a way that will give you the strength and self- confidence you’ll need when caring for the terminally ill. CPR and First Aid Certification This 4-hour block of instruction is based on the training guidelines of the American Paramedic Association. You will learn what to do until a trained physician or nurse arrives on the scene to render aid. All students who successfully complete this block of instruction will receive a certificate from the San Francisco branch of the American Paramedic Association. Creating A Supportive Environment This program is designed to help families, but it also helps individual caregivers to build their own friendships based upon a common interest. Caring for the terminally ill can be a personally taxing effort and the kind words and thoughts of kindred souls can provide much needed comfort when times are trying. |